Yellow is the colour of endometriosis awareness campaigns around the world. At least one of these small yellow beads features in every picture in my Endo Life series.
An estimated 1 in 10 women have endometriosis.
I spend so much time feeling bad about feeling bad, and so often I only tell part of my story.
Sometimes I feel like my body is being torn apart from the inside. Sometimes I feel like my mind is on the point of shattering.
Reminder to self, life without the ups and downs is not living. The trick is to enjoy the good times and to have the courage to get through the bad ones.
Off-balance (adjective or adverb) 1. not well proportioned: out of balance 2. not standing, sitting, or resting in normal physical equilibrium 3a. upset from or in a state of being upset by confusion: UPSETTING 3b. into a state of surprise from the unexpected.
Sometimes endo is a small part of my life. Sometimes it's all I can see.
I am tired, and sore, and so very, very tired of being sore. . . . Tired is not feeling sleepy because I stayed up too late. Tired is a bone deep weariness from day after day after day of pain. Tired is getting little or no rest from nights of sleep broken by pain or doped up on painkillers that keep me hazy well into the next day. Tired is having a body that has forgotten what it is to release and relax because it is always (even in sleep) held tense and tight, guarding against the next inevitable spasm of sharp, stabbing pain. Tired is having no position, not standing, or sitting, or lying down, that gives respite from the pain. Tired is having nothing that stops the pain - not medication, not TENS, not heat packs, not medical treatment - only things that help a little bit, briefly. Tired is screaming and crying inside, while smiling outside, because you know from experience that doing it out loud doesn’t actually help. Tired is doing this every single day with no belief, although there is still hope, that it will ever end.
Pain is a thief. It steals my focus, my sleep, my words, my ability to think clearly, my energy, my plans, my movements, my ability to relax, my love of food, my emotional control.
